by Felipe Philly… The year was 2075 and the problem with illegals was only getting worse. Illegals taking jobs; illegals committing crimes; illegals sucking up government resources and contributing nothing to society. The year was 2075 and the country had had enough. The crackdown was on. There was a great wall in the country. It…
by Out-of-body Philly… “My name is John Fielder Smith. That’s not my real name. My real name is Go Fuck Yourself. But for our purposes here you can just call me Johnny Boy. I was first told the story of O.B.E. by an ex-DEA agent who went by the name of Peter North. That’s not…
by Pussy-whipped Philly… . “I’m proud to say: I am now officially a member of the Me Too movement. I know I’m a man, but men can be members too. It’s not gender that determines eligibility, it’s understanding.” Me Too! is the latest in the Flashbytes series from worst-selling author Philip Loyd. Not…
by Pachydermy Philly… “Billingham Bokstock was born with an elephant’s head. A real, live elephant’s head. Not only was he the first ever trunk-swinging, tusk-bearing, floppy-eared candidate to run for president of the United States, he was twelve feet tall. The first time he walked into a press conference, his head went crashing into the…
by Fed-up Philly… I used to be a jackal. That is to say, I once was a reporter. A journalist. A scavenger of the lowest kind. You know, like in the movie Nightcrawler. I’m all better now, thank God. Lucky for me, I woke up just in the nick of time. Read the whole feeding-frenzy…
by Connectedly Philly… I was in the Park when I heard the news about Wags Wagglestein, my attorney. Next thing I knew I was headed downtown. It had been a long time since I had been down to Mulberry Street, and suddenly I was feeling nostalgic. Read the whole spaghetti-eating story… My Time Spent…
by Gas-guzzling Philly… I’m a Gas Guzzling, Water Wasting, Trash Heaping, Energy Hog. At least, that’s what my friend Freddy Floozy thinks. Yes, the same Freddy Floozy from The Adventures of Living Life on the Streets and Time Off from Having No Life at All. He hasn’t said anything, but I know he’s thinking it.…
by Ass-itchingly Philly… I just turned fifty and if it isn’t bad enough I’m a hypochondriac, now I’m a hypochondriac with hemorrhoids. I first discovered there was something wrong when I noticed I had spotting in my underwear. Spotting? But that’s girl’s stuff. The spotting evolved into a red skid mark, then full-blown red paint…
by Chug-a-lugging Philly… I think I’ll become an alcoholic. Why not? Sounds easy enough. I already lost my job, I’m about to lose my house, what else have I got to lose? A good friend of mine is an alcoholic. He’s got a job, in fact, just because he’s an alcoholic. He met his new…
by Man-frightened Philly… Ever wonder why women wear tight pants? I had no idea until my girlfriend told me. The whole thing with tight pants all began, believe it or not, because the clitoris has a hood. No joke. The clitoral hood covers the clitoris itself, sometimes entirely, and can often be a hindrance to…
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